Pressing Question September 16, 2009
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: bible study, thoughts
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I joined a bible study in my hall, and last night was the first session. One question we all had to answer was where we saw ourself in ten years. I realized that out of the nine girls present, I was the only one that didn’t mention being married or having kids. What does that say about me?
Impressions August 10, 2009
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: rambling, thoughts
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I’ve always had a problem with situations where people meet each other once and then never see each other again. Trips to fairs or tournaments, vacations or theme parks – each time it happens, there are people that we want to know so badly or people we wish we had never met. It’s so hard to get a geniune picture of who a person is, especially when all that scrutiny is spaced over hours. I have family that I’ve known my whole life, but they still feel like strangers. How possible is it to get the true essance of a person when they have no incentive to lay themselves out truthful?
I remember when I was around 14, maka would take me to the Wayne county fair for at least a few days of rides, running around minus her parents, and greasy french fries. Us two and her sister were a little crazy those days that stretched out, and went through the inevitable phase of flirting a little bit with strangers. I only admit this because I know that most 14-year-old girls have gone through it, and there were plenty 14-something-boys who did the same. We’d share a car on the zipper, let the cute ones buy us cotton candy, and sometimes hope we’d meet later in the week. Kid stuff.
The guys usually had more eyes for maka or her sister than me, but one time someone decided he liked me. He seemed okay at first - taller, told me I was pretty, nice. I noticed the faint smell of cigarettes, but he let me know real quick that it was his parents. He explained that he used to do bad stuff, but he went to church now, didnt believe in sex before marriage, and all sorts of personal things way too quick. He wanted me to hold his hand and said he’d like to call sometime. I went along with it – believed every word he said. An hour later, a mutual friend pulled me aside and warned me he did drugs. Not the best sort. Thinking about him today makes my stomach turn. I couldn’t have known he was lying. It makes me nervous meeting smooth-talkers who’ve got no reason to be who they are. I suppose he could’ve been telling the truth and changed his life that day, but I wasn’t old enough for that to have mattered.
Not everyone can be like that boy was, because we weren’t like that. Sure, I tried to be a more attractive, fun version of myself, but I never told lies or decieved anyone. Who hasn’t tried to feel that way? The lines blur between presenting yourself as-is, and accidentally fooling someone into seeing you differently. I think about the impression I must make in a few hours, sometimes. I have no doubt that it takes longer than a day to really understand what I’m like. My personalitly shifts depending on the company, and I’m very guarded around strangers. It makes me realize that those first impressions can’t always be true, becasue there are way too many aspects of a person to measure just once. I think it might be impossible. Does the snapshot have to be true? I’d like it to be, but I guess if you’re never meeting again, it doesn’t matter anyway.
Crafting Kicks and the Value In Cookin’ Good July 30, 2009
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: food, Life, thoughts
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I consider myself to be a fairly strong-willed, independent woman. I believe that women can greater-or-equal the best of men and I have ambitions to strike out into a male dominated profession. These are just facts of life. For these reasons, it makes me chuckle when I get into Susie Homemaker moods like the last couple days. I feel like I’ve mentioned it before, but there are times in life when I get into certain modes. For example, there is fine arts mode and artsy crafty mode. There is also microwave-frozen mode and let’s-bake-with-my-apron mode. Gettin’ the drift?
I’ve been in crafty, bakey, let’s-wear-heels-and-make-cake moods for nearly a month and shamefully loving it. There have been no paintings yet this summer, but many birthday/grad cards, invitations and doodling. I feel like I’m getting the hang of this whole card thing and the last couple turned out especially nice. I used a combination of watercolor washes, sharpie, ink, and acrylic for some texture. The worst part about pulling off a card really well is that I get so proud that I want to show everyone, thereby ruining the surprise and making myself look rather inflated in the head. I’ve been cooking more, done some sewing, and became incredibly excited over buying new yarn at the flower factory. It’s pathetic.
Every other Wednesday at youth group, it’s home cookin’ night. Everyone is supposed to make something and bring it for dinner. I haven’t decided what to make this time, but a lemony chicken is sounding nice. Being housewifely might be ridiculous, but seeing someone’s face after preparing something special for them to eat makes all the silliness totally worth it. I want to write letters, make cookies, and be prim. The 50s housewife feeling is sitting well on my shoulders. Besides, there could be worse things. At least the dresses are cute.
I make fire! July 21, 2009
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: pictures, summer, thoughts
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Despite the fact that I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, I can say that 2009 has brought me the most pure, summery-summer of my life. It’s been a blissful rotation of bonfires, swimming, random adventures, pizza, fireflies, Chinese food, the zoo, sweating, tennis, crazy hair, pets, grass stains…you name it. I feel closer to my family than I have ever felt. I feel closer to my friends than I have ever felt. I feel closer to Hiro Nakamura than I have ever felt.
It’s not just what I’ve done, though. There’s a subtle difference from my past May-through-Augusts that I can’t quite string a word to. It’s the way the sparks float high at bonfires – how they intermingle with the stars when the sky turns rich navy blue. Smooth heat on my skin from cycles of swimming and drying, swimming and drying. Chlorine smells mixed with ginger and sweat. The way tan sunglasses make the sun brighter, the clouds whiter, and the sky deeply tinged with turquoise. These details have struck me with a finer grain.
The last bonfire was special, because I officially have become an eagle scout, or as close to one as I can become without being a man. I was trained by an eagle on how to build a fire and alas, it is done! Pictured above is the pinacle of my outdoors-man skill. (just don’t tell anyone we had no matches. Justin lit the tinder with a blow torch. It was a small torch!) I did it all by myself.
There’s no place like 5th Street Lane. July 21, 2009
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: Life, neighbors, thoughts
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When I came home tonight, I had to avoid my back door for fear of a man and a lady who were shouting obcenities at each other. It was all F-this and F-that, you’re a skank, you’re a bum, never-come-back, I-dont-want-you-anyways. The whole neighborhood heard how he was gonna knock her out, how she didn’t need him, how he only came back because his F-ing baby was in her belly. The woman has a kitty that escapes from time to time, and that’s the most I know of her, besides that she’s unmarried and pregnant to busting. It was ugly. The ugliness hurts me, and I hurt for them because every F-word is like a slap in the face.
Dramatics with the Neighbors July 21, 2008
Posted by meigrowstall in Uncategorized.Tags: cardiff, Life, thoughts, whales
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So here are the living arrangements – Me and my mum, Rahf the Iranian guy and Maria the Welsh woman, the polish couple down the hall all crammed into tiny bedrooms. Maybe 7×7. Children were not meant to live in such close quarters to their parents. lol. I’m driving myself up a wall. Alas, that is the only place I can find space. We all share a crammed living room/kitchen / eating area, a small bathroom, and a dingy little shower closet that makes me uneasy if I look at it too close. Oh well.
Last night Rahf cooked dinner for me, mum, and Maria. He’s got some mad kitchen skills for sure, and I ate a ridiculous amount – stir fried chicken and vegetables, some sort of flat bread, and rice Turkish style with noodles in it. Mmm.
It’s weird, because before i arrived, mum made it sound like Rahf and Maria were not ones to hang around. I met the Polish couple and they seemed nice. But after our last dinner, The Polish couple seem like the Villans and other two seem almost jolly. There is quite the drama that unfolds in that tiny little flat, and I would just love to spell it all out right here, right now. However, I’ll have to save all the retelling for later when I’m long gone. Who knows if they shall ever see this blog? I wouldn’t want to offend anyone. Or worse – join the disfunctional episode myself. Point: Our perception of people can be as different as who’s telling the story.


