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John and Yoko married on March 20, 1969. September 26, 2009

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John and Yoko married on March 20, 1969. That’s my birthday!

What’s goin’ on? September 25, 2009

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I’ve a got about 15 minutes before my next class, so I figure it’d be a good time slip in some bloggage. Im hoping that people who read this are the ones that miss me and are curious to know how Oxford life is. So all you curious people – Hi! I miss you!

I ended up pulling my first all-nighter wednesday to thursday. I say this without being proud or excited at all. I had a big project due for my 2D art class, and like so many other times, I planned badly for it and got it all done when night-before pressure forced me to. I’m really hoping I get over that, because college is going to kick my butt if I continue. Anyway, I worked until about 5:30am, slept for a bit, and decided that I needed ot sleep instead of going to calculus, which is at 9:05 am. I swear that missing calc was not an I’m-being-lazy, spur of the moment decision. I knew the lesson plans, that I wouldn’t miss anything I didnt know, and huzzah – I’m pretty sure I kicked butt on the quiz this morning! There is just butt kickin’ all around. Dont get worried, though. I’m the kind of student who pretty much never misses class, so I doubt this will happen again anytime soon.

Other than that, though, everyday life has been pretty quiet. Weekdays fall into a pretty neat routine of classes, meals (if i can get them), and then homework for the rest of the night. The peak of my social life on weekdays happens to be how dressed up I get when we goto Harris for dinner. haha. “we” being Rachel and I, Rachel being my roomate’s name. Cleared that up.

It’s rained the last few days, so I’ve gotten at least my $7 worth out of my umbrella. I’ve decided most of my shoes are worn out becasue everytime I come back to the room, my feet are all wet. Even though the rain has made it alternate between choking humidity and cold dampness, I still have really enjoyed the showers. Now I dont feel so bad being  inside all the time, because everyone else is too! I suppose I could keep rambling on, but I have to get ready for class now. See? I’m trying not to be a blogging failure.

Impressions August 10, 2009

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I’ve always had a problem with situations where people meet each other once and then never see each other again. Trips to fairs or tournaments, vacations or theme parks – each time it happens, there are people that we want to know so badly or people we wish we had never met. It’s so hard to get a geniune picture of who a person is, especially when all that scrutiny is spaced over hours. I have family that I’ve known my whole life, but they still feel like strangers. How possible is it to get the true essance of a person when they have no incentive to lay themselves out truthful?

I remember when I was around 14, maka would take me to the Wayne county fair for at least a few days of rides, running around minus her parents, and greasy french fries. Us two and her sister were a little crazy those days that stretched out, and went through the inevitable phase of flirting a little bit with strangers. I only admit this because I know that most 14-year-old girls have gone through it, and there were plenty 14-something-boys who did the same. We’d share a car on the zipper, let the cute ones buy us cotton candy, and sometimes hope we’d meet later in the week. Kid stuff.

 The guys usually had more eyes for maka or her sister than me, but one time someone decided he liked me. He seemed okay at first - taller, told me I was pretty, nice. I noticed the faint smell of cigarettes, but he let me know real quick that it was his parents. He explained that he used to do bad stuff, but he went to church now, didnt believe in sex before marriage, and all sorts of personal things way too quick. He wanted me to hold his hand and said he’d like to call sometime. I went along with it – believed every word he said.  An hour later, a mutual friend pulled me aside and warned me he did drugs. Not the best sort. Thinking about him today makes my stomach turn. I couldn’t have known he was lying. It makes me nervous meeting smooth-talkers who’ve got no reason to be who they are. I suppose he could’ve been telling the truth and changed his life that day, but I wasn’t old enough for that to have mattered. 

Not everyone can be like that boy was, because we weren’t like that. Sure, I tried to be a more attractive, fun version of myself, but I never told lies or decieved anyone. Who hasn’t tried to feel that way? The lines blur between presenting yourself as-is, and accidentally fooling someone into seeing you differently. I think about the impression I must make in a few hours, sometimes. I have no doubt that it takes longer than a day to really understand what I’m like. My personalitly shifts depending on the company, and I’m very guarded around strangers. It makes me realize that those first impressions can’t always be true, becasue there are way too many aspects of a person to measure just once. I think it might be impossible. Does the snapshot have to be true? I’d like it to be, but I guess if you’re never meeting again, it doesn’t matter anyway.

I know it’s not a new thought or anything. July 13, 2009

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100_0546I got in a real music mood the other day, and I was thinking about my favorite songs, the friend CDs I have, and memories that go along with each one. I owe that all to Indecision 1 & 2, which spurred the whole thing, because that’s when I decided to pick songs that I love. I grabbed a notebook and listed songs that linger from past and present, listened to them, read the lyrics and wrote notes about why I cared about them. Many were for simplicity – songs that say what the mean without flowery cliches. I love simple, beautiful songs with lots of harmony and smoothness. Guitar, ukulele, box drums. It’s neat to realize an aspect of the music you really like.

I’ve mix CDs that my friends have made me. There is the Josh CDs, the Tia CDs, the Casey CDs, and a Brandon CD which sorta sucks, but he gets props for at least giving me one. ha. Right now I’ve been in Tia mode, listening to such coolies as the Artic Monkeys, Metro Station, and a couple Beatles songs for good measure. It sounds just like her. I’m very impatient for more of these to keep me nice and homesick in the fall, but now I’ve been thinking about the next great Meili CD. It needs a great name and cool cover art.

Believe in Dreams you Love so Much. July 10, 2009

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Last night I dreamed that my jaws were clenched tight – tighter than I’ve ever felt. I was scared because I couldn’t open my mouth, and then I heard my teeth break. I also had a typical DI dream where I don’t feel prepared. I remember that Ian, Cassie, and Tommy were on my team, but tommy had shaved his head bald and Ian was being gay and kissed another male teammate as a joke, but the appraisers saw! Weird. This dream was different , because we were outside a door saying lines and even though I didn’t know what was happening, I thought it was our real performance and the judges couldn’t hear us. Then we have to move inside and I realize we were just waiting, and now we have to do it again, except I REALLY don’t know what’s going on this time. DI is lovely, especially in my dreams.

A few nights ago, there was one were my cousin got a hair cut that looked exactly like her aunt’s rather large, short blonde bob. I thought she accidentally squirted hair gel on my head, so I tried to squeeze and peel it out. Then blood starts running down my face, and I realize that the goopy stuff isn’t hair gel, it’s my own scalp that I’m peeling off. What the heck?!

I don’t understand why my dreams have been more violent lately. Normally, I dreamed strange, off the wall things, but nothing where I’ve been afraid. Not since I was a little kid. I’ve also dreamed some highly personal situations, which have no place on the Internet. It’s hard to forget something and pretend you don’t care anymore, when your dreams are reeling it out for you to watch. Dreams don’t lie.

Heads up June 14, 2009

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I feel awake for blogging now, even though it’s been a long while. Summer is my prime time for writing posts because I have more time to plot and less time to clutter my mind with trival matters. There also seems to be more adventure going on. The sort of random, small adventures that are the most beautiful to me. Dixon and England were brimming with random material. I enjoyed documenting those places the most, I think, because I was far away from home and these little love letters made me feel connected to everyone at home.

That mind set is okay, I suppose, but it makes for an awfully boring blog ten months out of the year. When I look back at this last dry spell, there was plenty of funny, random stuff that happened all year. Friendship days, lunch table stories, DI craziness, youth group adventures…that’s so much I could’ve posted on. What have I been doing for months?!

Anyway, I’m back in blogging mode. It feels good have open eyes again. I have a couple planned about Kentucky, the zoo, and what my art is doing this summer. I feel like talking about books or writing poems again. It makes me happy. Stay tuned?

There are big changes ahead. March 20, 2009

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A series of big family decisions were made this week, and I am hoping that most of them will stick. Dates for my birthday party, graduation party, and mum’s visit are all picked out and ready to be set into motion. That reassures me; I like to have plan of action. If the plan must change or adapt, I don’t mind so much, as long as it doesn’t flip-flop around or change drastically multiple times.

Tomorrow, another birthday will come and go. Birthday’s are very abstract in my head.

In college news, I’ve heard from every college except Yale. In some sense, Yale is my unattainable future and the only school I’ve had doubts about. Making life decisions is difficult when there are still major variables. The suspense is exhausting, but I hope I hear something – anything – from New Haven soon.

Shopping can be fun. September 28, 2008

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After shopping for dress clothes for my brother (it’s going to be his first homecoming), I bought myself some new paint brushes. For someone who harps on about the evils of corn, evils of plastics, and covets natural food, I certainly love synthetic brushes. Today I picked up white nylon brushes – pretty brushes with blue handles – and tacky glue at Micheal’s. Thank you Aleah and Niki, for $20’s worth of gift card birthday leftovers. ha. It’s only been tucked in my wallet for 6 months.

While we were at the mall, I ran into my counselor, the DI coordinator, and elementary school gym teacher all at the same time. It was so cool to see them out and about, because really, I consider them all much more than teachers; they are really great people I’m always delighted to see.  It was a mood lifter.

There was never a real point of this from the beginning, but hey, can you blame a girl for trying? I should be asleep right now. These days, I feel like I’m paused at night, waiting for some divine thought or action or something. I guess I’ll go give it a shot.

In the words of Jason Reeves – “Love is Real” Don’t forget it.