John and Yoko married on March 20, 1969. That’s my birthday!

I’ve a got about 15 minutes before my next class, so I figure it’d be a good time slip in some bloggage. Im hoping that people who read this are the ones that miss me and are curious to know how Oxford life is. So all you curious people – Hi! I miss you!

I ended up pulling my first all-nighter wednesday to thursday. I say this without being proud or excited at all. I had a big project due for my 2D art class, and like so many other times, I planned badly for it and got it all done when night-before pressure forced me to. I’m really hoping I get over that, because college is going to kick my butt if I continue. Anyway, I worked until about 5:30am, slept for a bit, and decided that I needed ot sleep instead of going to calculus, which is at 9:05 am. I swear that missing calc was not an I’m-being-lazy, spur of the moment decision. I knew the lesson plans, that I wouldn’t miss anything I didnt know, and huzzah – I’m pretty sure I kicked butt on the quiz this morning! There is just butt kickin’ all around. Dont get worried, though. I’m the kind of student who pretty much never misses class, so I doubt this will happen again anytime soon.

Other than that, though, everyday life has been pretty quiet. Weekdays fall into a pretty neat routine of classes, meals (if i can get them), and then homework for the rest of the night. The peak of my social life on weekdays happens to be how dressed up I get when we goto Harris for dinner. haha. “we” being Rachel and I, Rachel being my roomate’s name. Cleared that up.

It’s rained the last few days, so I’ve gotten at least my $7 worth out of my umbrella. I’ve decided most of my shoes are worn out becasue everytime I come back to the room, my feet are all wet. Even though the rain has made it alternate between choking humidity and cold dampness, I still have really enjoyed the showers. Now I dont feel so bad being  inside all the time, because everyone else is too! I suppose I could keep rambling on, but I have to get ready for class now. See? I’m trying not to be a blogging failure.

I joined a bible study in my hall, and last night was the first session. One question we all had to answer was where we saw ourself in ten years. I realized that out of the nine girls present, I was the only one that didn’t mention being married or having kids. What does that say about me?

1. You have no self esteem, but you should.
2. A real friend would quit flirting if I said it bothered me.
3. I don’t hate you anymore, but I feel completely alienated. There’s a deliberate effort not to care.
4. You’re the truest friend I’ve got. Mostly ’cause we get annoyed sometimes, and you’re still the best one.
5. I miss you very much, and you suck for acting like you dont miss me.
6. After all this time, I admire you more than anyone. I don’t know why.
7. I swear, you’re clueless.
8. I should’ve picked you instead.
9. You’re really attractive to me. So what?
10. Don’t make a big mistake. And geez, wash your dang sheets more.

Printy summer skirts and dresses, orchids, bothering Tia, recycled Barnes and Nobles notebooks, making lists.

Food: Ice-cold celery sticks, fruit smoothies, Sunny Delight, pretzels dipped in chocolate frosting, Sloppy joes.  Been super craving homemade wonton and my mom’s cooking.

Reading: Liebemarlene Vintage blog, Amy Tan’s Saving Fish from Drowning, boring financial aid paperwork.

TV: HEROES!

I’ve always had a problem with situations where people meet each other once and then never see each other again. Trips to fairs or tournaments, vacations or theme parks – each time it happens, there are people that we want to know so badly or people we wish we had never met. It’s so hard to get a geniune picture of who a person is, especially when all that scrutiny is spaced over hours. I have family that I’ve known my whole life, but they still feel like strangers. How possible is it to get the true essance of a person when they have no incentive to lay themselves out truthful?

I remember when I was around 14, maka would take me to the Wayne county fair for at least a few days of rides, running around minus her parents, and greasy french fries. Us two and her sister were a little crazy those days that stretched out, and went through the inevitable phase of flirting a little bit with strangers. I only admit this because I know that most 14-year-old girls have gone through it, and there were plenty 14-something-boys who did the same. We’d share a car on the zipper, let the cute ones buy us cotton candy, and sometimes hope we’d meet later in the week. Kid stuff.

 The guys usually had more eyes for maka or her sister than me, but one time someone decided he liked me. He seemed okay at first - taller, told me I was pretty, nice. I noticed the faint smell of cigarettes, but he let me know real quick that it was his parents. He explained that he used to do bad stuff, but he went to church now, didnt believe in sex before marriage, and all sorts of personal things way too quick. He wanted me to hold his hand and said he’d like to call sometime. I went along with it – believed every word he said.  An hour later, a mutual friend pulled me aside and warned me he did drugs. Not the best sort. Thinking about him today makes my stomach turn. I couldn’t have known he was lying. It makes me nervous meeting smooth-talkers who’ve got no reason to be who they are. I suppose he could’ve been telling the truth and changed his life that day, but I wasn’t old enough for that to have mattered. 

Not everyone can be like that boy was, because we weren’t like that. Sure, I tried to be a more attractive, fun version of myself, but I never told lies or decieved anyone. Who hasn’t tried to feel that way? The lines blur between presenting yourself as-is, and accidentally fooling someone into seeing you differently. I think about the impression I must make in a few hours, sometimes. I have no doubt that it takes longer than a day to really understand what I’m like. My personalitly shifts depending on the company, and I’m very guarded around strangers. It makes me realize that those first impressions can’t always be true, becasue there are way too many aspects of a person to measure just once. I think it might be impossible. Does the snapshot have to be true? I’d like it to be, but I guess if you’re never meeting again, it doesn’t matter anyway.